Blue Christmas

I'll have a blue Christmas without you, I'll be home for Christmas, Silent Night, Silver Bells.... and the Ave Maria... all traditional holiday favorites. And certainly some of mine to sing and memories of mom and I singing them together as we would decorate the tree....

But this year as I break out the egg-nog and decorations and spin the Christmas carols.... it's bitter-sweet. Of all the years since I moved to Washington.... it took my mom's passing- to bring me back home last year. (I am struck with irony and regret on that point....) I am ready to enjoy the holidays- do fun things with my family and sing songs... but a little part of me is feeling overwhelmingly blue...

This week we turn over the calendar to December- to baking and decorating, singing, parties, craft bazaars, shopping, holiday mass.... and to the month where I lost my bestest girl friend ever... my mommy.

I can't believe how fast this year has turned over!.... After losing three of the corner stones of my life in the last year, along with other unexpected peer losses this year.... I'm amazed that it's already time for the holidays again.... and sort of relieved that 2010 is coming to a close. It definately makes you take stock of all the good things in your lives! May 2011 be a fresh start- and may the luck, love and blessings in my life continue.... for I am a very lucky girl!

I'm also reminded again of the quote, "That which does not kill us- makes us stronger..." I was pretty sure that my mom's unexpected death would bury me as well.... how would I survive without my best friend? My biggest cheerleader- my protector and my confidant? I miss her so much- and still reach for the phone to call her.... and then I feel so silly- like how could I forget that?

I decided to decorate for Christmas in her honor.... blue, white and silver- with lots of glass, beads, sparkle, glitter and glitz.... I think she'd approve... it's so not me- but it's definitely her! And if you're a believer of signs..... the big flashy neon sign moment came for me at Target the other night..... I was looking for a couple of things to complete the decorating (as royal blue- not really in my rainbow- that was all momma) and to my astonishment - the one ornament that stood out a me....was ONE, SOLITARY, bright blue peacock ornament.... if you knew my mom- (and she referred to herself as one) she was the biggest peacock ever! If it was bold color, flashy-sparkly, beaded and enough to drive my poor dad crazy..... she'd wear it! And she rocked it too! So I bought that silly ornament and he's sitting proudly near the top to preside over the tree.

That silly ornament was also a signal to me to live in her honor... to live colorfully- and to live out loud. We have to remember to make the most of our everyday.... don't wait to burn that pretty candle... or wear that expensive pair of earrings... or hug & kiss those near you. Life is short- make it a good one!

I wish you all a brilliant December- be safe- and have a phenominal holiday season!